"She was such a little girl that one did not expect to see such a look on her small face. It would have been an old look for a child of twelve, and Sara Crewe was only seven. The fact was, however, that she was always dreaming and thinking odd things and could not herself remember anytime she had not been thinking things about grown-up people and the world they belonged to. She felt as if she had lived a long, long time. She was slim, rather tall for her age...her eyes were greenish gray...though she herself did not like the color of them, many other people did...she was not at all elated by Miss Minchin's flattery."
And so begins one of my favorite childhood books, "The Little Princess." As a child I immediately felt attached to Sara Crewe, feeling the description written about her was also about myself. However, one difference between myself and Sara was the time I spent crying. I cried nearly every day of my childhood. I exasperated my parents who only wanted me to STOP crying. I don't blame them. Tears mean your child is sad, right?!, and who wants a sad child? So, I grew up associating the words, "stop, it" with my tears. I then married someone with the same theory. By my 20's tho I had managed to lock away most of my tears. I went thru a dark depression when I was 32. God helped me thru that (another whole story). As I was just coming out of that I met someone named Mona who had a different take on tears.
I remember attending one of her classes with my dear husband. Mona's very first words of the workshop was, "tears tell the truth." My Marine-background husband whispers to me, "what the heck is she talking about?" I whispered back, "why don't you ask her?" He bravely shoots up his hand and says confidently,"What does that mean?" She launched into a more thorough definition.
Let me first explain that it does not mean that everything a person says while they are crying is gospel. I once read that it is very common for a woman's feeling to change while she's talking. (I think this usually confuses most males and should be taught in marriage 101.) As most women know this is our way of processing a situation-so the subject we start with is actually being processed and refined while we talk (and cry). It could come out completely different by the time we're done. Maybe kinda like taking a deer to a processing plant-you can get sausage, hamburger or steak when you're done.
Anyway, I believe, most of the time when someone cries it is because a nerve is being touched in their heart. Yes, we need to STOP-but not stop the crying, STOP and listen. What does the person really feel and want to say. Something close to their heart needs to be expressed.
I will never forget the first time in my life when I felt I experienced someone giving me this gift of listening.
I was sitting in a small confrontational meeting. Not sure why I was invited since I wasn't really involved in the situation. I was not saying anything but could definitely see another level of activity going on beneath the conversation being said. I was not planning on saying anything until suddenly Mona stopped and said, "Robin, what do you think?" I immediately started crying. Everyone in the group stopped and looked at me. But the way that they looked at me was completely different than I had ever experienced before. They had all been thru Mona's training and knew that tears meant something. They were all looking at me with great expectation and anticipation. For me that moment was the "freeing of my tears."
I no longer fear my tears-nor does my husband. It is the most beautiful thing to see him respond to my tears and the tears of our children. Of course, I'm crying while I write these last few lines.
| 
This is beautiful. And brave!
ReplyDelete